Queer.
Today is the day after the day after the International Day against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia.
I’m posting this late because it took me a while to figure out what to say. And it makes sense that this post is late, because I came out late (like, after I’d met the man I went on to marry.) But my identity as a Queer person is important to me. I use the word Queer because it feels like the right one for me- but for those of you to whom it is important, I love hearts, not parts.
For a very long time, I didn’t know that the feelings I had for women, or even the things that I did with women, had a space in my life, because I also had feelings for men. I knew I wasn’t a lesbian- all of my long term relationships were with men. I simply didn’t know another option existed.
Bi/Pan erasure is a huge problem. People think we can’t make up our minds, that we’re obviously “really” straight. Or gay. Or that we’re slutty. Or looking for attention. I didn’t know I was Queer because it wasn’t an identity I had heard anything about.
People constantly ask me why I call myself Queer even though I’m married, or even though I’m married to a man. But what they’re really asking is why I call myself Queer when, if I didn’t, no one would know.
I talk about it so other Queer people feel safe in whatever space I’m in. I talk about it so people who aren’t out yet know I see them. I talk about it to make homophobes uncomfortable. I talk about it because being Queer isn’t shameful.
I want people to know who I am, because I want people to accept me for I am. I don’t want to have to hide to be safe or loved. And I am, at my core, both of those things. I am safe and loved and I can say I am Queer without fear of serious repercussions, which is a privilege many people do not have.
Truth is, I’ve been Queer since long before I knew what to call myself. And being Queer means I have the ability and availability to love so many people, and be so very loved. Why would I ever hide that?
Happy day after the day after the International day against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia, friends. May we fight these scourges every day, regardless of our own identities. And, in or out, if you’re Queer (or, however you identify) I am so glad you are here.